Monday, May 30, 2005
LOST AND FOUND
I was once lost because of SFC(singles for Christ)... but I found myself also because of SFC: a deeper, better and renewed JORY.LOST, DEVASTATED and SHATTERED. That was what I felt before joining SFC because of a sudden end of a happy relationship. Just when you know that everything seems perfect and seamless, then it will come to an end.
That very special relationship with a friend ended because of his struggle and personal issues of his sexuality and his spirituality. It was a fight between following his homosexual inclinations and his service to GOD through the SFC. Yes, he was a member of the SFC community.
After the break-up, I lost my sanity. My work was affected. My friends saw me crying. But I admit that it was not the person I was crying over. I cried because the relationship we had was one of a kind.
Letting him go also unloaded the burden in me. Having a relationship with him made me realize that I was a culprit in his dilemma. I saw him in pain of this particular dillema. No one in the SFC community knew he was gay. Yet his members look up to him because he was a trusted leader and an inspiring speaker. I remember his words "I give a talk on personal healing yet I myself am not healed because of my sexuality"
It was hypocrisy. A betrayal of trust to his friends, family and the community.
Then I thought of joining SFC because it's the only way to understand the situation.
Joining the SFC community entailed a lot of discipline and patience. I attended the Christian Life Program every Thursday for 12 weeks: listening to speakers and sharing my thoughts after the talk. After my 6 pm out in the office, I have my Salsa Dance class for about an hour. Then I immediately leave the building just to catch the CLP talk on time. It was too exhausting but I survived that gruelling routine. I didn't miss any of the talks!!! Perfect attendance!
But during those talks, I had my struggles believing and trusting the speakers especially the men. Ideas would rush into my mind everytime a male speaker gives a talk: What if he's gay like my ex-boyfriend? Would I still believe in him? Is he a hypocrite??? It was a difficult fight for me. I had to overcome what I had in mind and to give everyone a benefit of the doubt.
I fought, struggled and won.
After winning my personal battle, I did not only bring back the sanity I had but I gained more than what I expected: new friends in the community, a grounded faith and a more personal and intimate relationship with God.
As an active member of the community, I serve the Gawad Kalinga Ministry specifically the tutorials for less fortunate kids. Just recently, I attended the Singles Weekend Retreat in Tagaytay from which I learned some new ideas and lessons: courage & insecurity, anger, true & false humility, guilt and repentance.
And now I found myself belonging to the SFC community which at first was the reason why I got lost...
MASAYA MAGING SFC!!!!
...am happy for you Jors :-)
Keep it up!
goodluck jory! Ü
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